Monday, August 25, 2008
I feel like every time I go to Maine I get back so late. I drag my feet when it comes time to leave. By the time I pack my bags into my little Toyota Yaris it's already getting dark and the long drive home seems so much more melancholy. One of the only things keeping me from living up there is the complete lack of a job market. As I drove through downtown Portland on a highway overpass I thought of what it would have been like if I got awarded the fellowship and moved to Maine. The two years up there would have been amazing as I was working on the on-island projects, but if I tried staying up there to find a job or go to grad school who knows what sort of financial situation I would have would up in with my student loan interest running rampant.
So, I don't stay. I climb through the gears and keep moving along back home where I'll stay for now until my next ideal grabs hold.
I am so tired right now. Work has been a mad house. I need a real vacation where I do nothing. But you know I'd find something to do. I know it too.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I've been riding my bicycle to work as much as possible trying to save money on gas and to get some exercise in before the weather gets New England nasty. Massachusetts drivers are the absolute worst. I always feel like my life is threatened when I ride my bike. I never even feel that safe in the car for that matter.
My boss and I had "the talk" today. It's sort of like when one person asks a person they're in a relationship with "what are we?" Basically I asked my boss what she thought of my work and where she thought I could be heading if I wanted to try and take on some new tasks and concepts. She seemed glad that I asked and offered sincere advice that as I continue to master my tasks then I can integrate into the parts of the company better suited for my skills and desires. Hopefully I can just blog for them and get paid double what I'm making now. Otherwise I may wind up as an account exec. or a brand message analyst. Either would be fine as long as it shoots me further towards my goal of being creative in my day job.
Until then I can only be creative and write disconnected blogs like this one way after my bed time.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Travel, doing big things, meeting interesting people. These things make me want to write and share. I am amazed at how much I like to share at times. I can be a giving person although I take, take, take my personal time and enjoyment whenever I can.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Last Friday morning I left for
The plan on going to
The first day was beautiful as far as weather goes. Max had offered to take my bags to the offices so I only had my backpack with camera and laptop for electronic necessities. I spent the first hour or two getting my bearings straight and mapping out the city blocks within my own mind. Once I knew where I was and how to get back to Max’s office I ventured off a bit down
Later on that night Max took me out to meet his ex-girlfriend for a traditional
I felt like a young person in
I feel as if I saw a lot in
In my last hours in Prague I found myself continually joking around with Max about how I was just going to “work from home” in Chicago until my company fired me and ordered me to send my laptop back, in which time I would be able to find my own place to live and a job to sustain myself. Obviously not a well thought out or realistic plan, but the more I said it aloud the more melancholy yet determined I got. I thought, “could I do it?” So many voices have told me that there isn’t anything “out there” that isn’t right here at home. If I can’t make it here than how can I really make it anywhere else?
When I got home my mother text messaged me and told me I should move there. She said it would be nice to have someone to go visit out there. Then after a little while on the phone with my girlfriend she told me, in a truly touching way that she thought I should give
I figure that I would need some time indeed to get my money situation in order enough to make a major move half way across the country. If I had a job waiting for me, that would make things significantly easier on me. But nothing is guaranteed. Caitlin thinks that in the time it would take me to apply and really sort out jobs I want and hear back from them I could save up some money and possibly even get an offer to be flown out for an interview. Who knows? Maybe I could even get a relocation allowance. Caitlin told me that a test like true distance and pursing our dreams could help us find out if “out there” is really what we want or if it is each other we want. We could even have both someday if we’re lucky.
I am fairly certain that after some time spent at my current job getting experience and possibly being promoted or learning a acquiring a lot more skills, I will feel truly compelled to make my move. A co-worker is leaving for
Grad school there?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Heavy stuff indeed. Treading water just doesn't appeal to me on the long term and the "big breaks" I've been waiting for haven't come my way yet and I have a feeling that taking what I want out of life is how it's going to have to be. The pacifist in me isn't financially savvy. I need to get on that.
Monday, August 11, 2008
I am a product of Worcester. Wherever I go I don’t tell people I am from Boston. I say I live in Boston, or right outside of it, but I always say that I am proudly from Worcester. It has taken some maturity for me to figure out why I love Worcester, but aside from my family being there, I think my tendency to root for the underdog keeps me interested in Worcester. So much concentrated wealth exists in and around Boston and the rat race makes me feel like a true rodent.
As I continue to work my ass off day to day, I have found myself in a good job making a good salary doing something I don’t love so much, but am still interested in. The people I work with are becoming friends and it is a good feeling.
But there is something missing. I am showing signs of my hard work. I have a new car, I am traveling sometimes and I get to do fun things with the people I love. But I feel I need a new challenge and something to covet. I want an education bad, but knowing myself I will get my masters and probably my Ph.D. no matter what, hell or high water.
A long time ago I said that I would sacrifice the ideal of owning my own home so that I could work jobs for less money and live more simply. But I’m coming to realize that no matter how hard I put the brakes on I can’t seem to slow down the pace of my lifestyle. I don’t care to be rich, but I hope to pursue the things I truly care about someday without the worry of having to make a great paycheck every week. I want to have my bases covered.
I know the best way to work towards that goal is to accumulate some personal equity. I am saving towards my 401k retirement plan every week. I know the next notch should be a home. Paying rent is garbage, especially in my situation. I’m trying to work out a situation where I can work close to where I live most of the time. I’d like to buy my first home in Worcester and even though I work in Watertown, making that sacrifice is something I’m looking to make.
http://buyworcesternow.com is where I hope to start. There are some good affordable homes on here. I’ll have to start small, but who knows where it could get me? This is just another step I want to make. Can I get a boost?!?!
First, a middle aged woman who was doing blood work on my grandmother started running her mouth to everyone in the room about all of this conservative stuff that you could find on any talk radio show during the day. It was completely un-interesting, annoying and unwanted. Her raving about how nobody's going to vote for Obama because he's black and he loves taxes, poor people, and foreigners and hates the middle class and America was so unwelcome. I should have told her to shut her trap before I tell her manager about how unprofessional she is. Instead I looked her dead in the eye and told her that I was a dedicated Obama supporter and that she had a narrowminded point of view. It certainly didn't shut her up. I should have complained.
Secondly, I'm so happy that I have traveled so much this summer. It's been a great one despite some setbacks in my personal life. I'm looking forward to a great Fall as well!
I wrote too much tonight. I'll pay for it tomorrow when I can't keep my eyes open at work.
Friday, August 8, 2008
I thought about how I'd respond to her for a second and I realized, aloud, that the only way I'd ever get a meaningful freelance career together was if I got my ass canned from a job and was able to pick up unemployment insurance for a little while. Necessity breeds creativity, no? I would literally be forced into all sorts of free time in which I could apply to jobs that I wanted (half-heartedly) while I wrote obsessively for the rest of the day. I already and generating income from my writing simply jotting stuff down for an hour or two a day. Imagine what I could do with eight or more hours?
I'm not going to get myself fired anytime soon, but the thought that not all things are as terrible as they may seem is somewhat uplifting and liberating.
I just want to write. Is that too much to ask? Yes, it is actually. That's why I've stopped asking and just started doing it anyways.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
I promise if you bake, sell, sing or fabricate anything, I'll patronize you until the cows come home and you make a profit!
I'd like to list my relevant sites on here. These include sites where I publish regularly and sites that I am affiliated with. As soon as I get my web page formatting on, I'll embed these as well.
The UntilGradSchool Blog on Today.com
JR Moreau Articles on Associated Content
FarAndSavage on Twitter